I have a question on male/female relationships

edited November 2006 in General
I was recently in Chuuk for some time and had a little romance with a Chuukese man. His English is very poor. He told me more than once that his father "needed to see" me. I still can't figure out why he kept saying that. Also, I wanted him to come to visit me and he said he wanted to, but apparently he cannot communicate to me whether he was able to get his passport or not. I can't get him a ticket unless I know he has his passport and will definitely come, because if he can't I can't get my money back. He has no telephone and the only way I can communicate with him is by writing him letters, which he (apparently) can't answer. Is this romance doomed? I think it is but I wanted just a little spark of hope. He is such a wonderful man.
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Comments

  • Probably you've been poison with Love Potion No.9. You better watch out Santa Claus is coming to town.
  • 'needed to see you'.... probably means he wants to introduce you to the family. This is often practiced when a man wants to continue a serious relationship and is seeking approval from the parents/elders, which is paramount in the chuukese culture. If you're loooking for someone to make you feel good.... (i mean that litterally)... you've seeked the right race. :)
  • Thanks for your comments. Yes, he did make me feel good, both figuratively and literally!
  • SICK! Go and talk about you boyfriends big woody hammer somewhere else! maybe on coconut chat! yes that is very true you must meet the parents so that they can tell if you're a HO or not. If you can sustain life for thier sons sake and bare him decent looking kids. Merry Xmas!
  • edited November 2006
    Kaptalwach:
    why the rudeness??
    Christmas is just around the corners. beauty is looking for the beast...come now it doesn't hurt to tell her "good luck with your search for love" and merry Christmas.

    Metri:
    Good luck with finding or getting back Love!! wish you the best! and believe not in Love Potions. i believe there is only one way to love and only one way to get love and be loved...you know what i mean.
    wish you the best, and happy holidays
    ~just a passerby~
  • Forgive them Father Hezel, for they know not what they've done.
  • Ran Annim Metri...

    Follow your heart....if you can help him to overcome those obstacles I think the relationship will go through alright. I would recommend that you set the rules for him to follow and see if he can follow.....talk to him and inspire him to meet you half way.

    Forgive poor Kaptalwach for barging in witih his poor grades...
  • Metri:

    Love in Chuuk is an upside down boat! It can't float nor can it sink. It just sits there upside down. What it needs is the water to make it float, then the paddle and the navigator to steer it. Right now, you're staring at the boat and wondering what to do with it. First, you must flip it back on its gill. Yes, the gill. Then push it to the sea, but make sure you have the paddle on hand to steer it, once you get it into the ocean. Be mindful of the currents too, because if you're not careful, it would take your boat away from you. You already have the paddle, but need help to push it down to the water. Should you make sure first if it could float or sink? There's only one way to find out. Should you see his parents first, or vise-verse? But, wait first! Is there really an ocean or just an illusion? The thing to worry about most is the cunning and slick treachery of the Chuukese minds when it comes to romance. If you say NO, they hang themselves, but if you YES, they rob you of your pride and wealth. Listen and heed the advise of UPEREM. Good luck!
  • That is very true Metri.....becareful not to use that word "NO"....believe me...you don't want to open your window one moring and see someone hanging down from one of the breadfuit branch next to your window with a rope around his neck.

    Woioooo.......like the way you put them words together and accordingly ....Hindzite...
  • Thank you all for your comments. I am considering them very seriously. I had no idea this could be so serious as to possibly cause one to hang himeself!!??? That does not happen here. Men get rejected all the time but they don't hang themselves!
  • It is very sad and disrespectful for others to generalize the Chuukese people with crazy infatuation. Why not use the word like "some" to make such notion acceptable in a sense. Besides, not only Chuukese people practice such type of suicidal act. Such act is also practiced in both Palau and Pohnpei for fairness sake.
  • Metri...

    Find your posting riddled with loose ends, not to mention questions. Obviously, you two couldn't communicate, but somehow you understood him. Then, there's that issue of the money which seemed to have sneaked in and threw off people, but one good look at it, made people having second thought about your intentions in here. Are you interested in having him at all cost, OR you're just wondering how you're going to get you money back? The thing is your doubt about him may even be the truth, and that is he'd robbed you of the fifty dollars for the passport. You can forget about him.
  • Metri

    Are you talking about me?
  • Classic case of a hammer pounding a nail into SUBMISSION! LITERALLY!

    Judas, is this really about you?
  • edited December 2006
    Metri:

    I don't know, but I ask anyway...are you looking for a long-term commitment with Mr. Wonderful Chuukese? Is the ability to communicate with each other an important value to you? Are you willing to carry him, his clan, his family, his education, his lifelihood, his ESL classes, his airfare...on your shoulder? Do you love him that much to not think about losing your own financial investment? Or is this a relationship based on convenience, hammerization (new word meaning the act of being enamored by the much overrated Chuukese hammer), and a selfish desire on your part to take advantage of an uneducated man? Could he possibly be looking at you as his sugar momma, taking advantage of you, your generosity, your education? It could go both ways you know. Perhaps you're ready to take a little leap of faith...go meet his daddy (be ready to meet all his clan elders), buy his ticket, and spend more time with him. After all, isn't it always a better alternative to love and have your heart broken (if it doesn't turn out) than never to have loved at all? Life is full of such risks which makes us all grow stronger. No?

    I really don't know..I just ask.
  • metri---it is very simple...just forget him and walk away...start a new life with a new partner who might be the best...he is giving you hard time by not trying to visit you, and that he just give you a message that he just didn't care...merry x mas
  • I smell jealousy in here. Guys, if you cannot offer her good and meaningful advice, then get lost. Leave spaces for those who really want to help her understand the situation and her own. Don't try to be smart to know everything because you are not.
  • edited December 2006
    Dear Metri:

    YOU LOVE ME, I LOVE YOU, WE ARE HAPPY FAMILY WITH A BIG HUG AND A KISS TO YOU. I learn that from Barney.
    You sent me ticket okay I go to you. My father say yes. I go to you to america to work. My father say work hart and many many money sent father.
    Me one sleep home. No more touchy touchy I miss you. A lot of night I no sleep . I think only you. I cry to you but no more you. the stars and the moon crys too.
    mother miss you father miss you me miss you. I read your paper I cry.


    Merry-X-Mas lolly
  • that was pretty funny Judas. but cruel still. Remember now, its christmas time and santa won't give you anything if you're naughty. :)
  • Ms. Metri

    If you are the same person that wrote to Dr. Waren, please email me at jmatranslations@aol.com.

    Respectfully,

    Jma
  • Metri,

    It sounds like you are sincere about following your heart. However, with these advice and humors shared by our fellow forumers, I can imagine how confused that brain of yours may be. Ambivalence will overwhelm your thoughts, longings will continue to grow, and your heart will remain true to itself. Some of these advice offered in here are true and some are exagerated. The need to meet his parents to me is a true indications of sincerity. The financial part, I think that will be your own choice, nobody can make that for you. Nevertheless, the only true advice I can share with you is to follow your heart. Hearts don't lie, and if it is a mistake on your venture, at least you know it's your own mistake. If you fail to act upon your inspiration, you would never know. My best wishes to you, and again, do it because that is what you want.
    If there are things about the culture that you may not understand, please don't hesitate to ask.

    Merry X mas,,,
  • Happy Holidays Metri...

    How's the little romance so far?....

    hcb...

    Sorry and I'll take what I said back...... I wish you and your family a happy and peaceful NEW YEAR....
  • Greetings Upe and Happy Advance New Year to you too.

    Thank you for your modest heart and understanding of the situation expressed which I find it quite unacceptable. As sons of Xavier, let us always show the Xavier spirit wherever we may be.
  • hey Metri, jus out of curiousity...where are u from?
  • METRI, leave that Chuukese alone. Why do you mention your feelings and trying to get info. on how to improve your relationship. Log on to international dateline or call 1-800 Iwant2. try a Yapese and experience the true feelings. No need to waste your money. Live by the taro, experience the big, husky local fresh hotdog in a can.
  • Sawgagai...thanks to ur comment i've been laughing ever since i started reading this one. It's all good. Metri are you from outside of the FSM? Remember if u do get serious about any FSMer extended family do "tag" along with it. Another question is "do you intend to support this guy from day one?" why are you paying for his passport? If he can't afford his own passport nor can he read how do you expect him to get on a plane, get past immigration, customs,etc...in a huge airport and get to u??? or were u planning on escorting him from chuuk to wherever? Good luck in your endeavor, I guess this gives a new meaning to love at first sight and love is blind...in this case real blind! Anti-government you ROCK! true Metri if u want a good roll in the hay try a Yapese dude...he'll totally wipe out that Chuukese outta ur mind! Happy New Year's peeps, see you all next week...
  • This issue is becoming like a snut that refuses to leave your fingers or the stick of gum under your footwear. I hope that we'd stop responding so it goes back to the end where it should be instead of kept coming to the fore. By now, Metri is probably missing her period caused by her dream Chuukese lover, but we kept posting mostly to ridicule or anger Metri. I believed shes happier where she is now.
  • Metri, run the other direction as fast as you can otherwise you will get a black eye or swollen lips from abuse!!!
  • Very interesting to read all the comments, I must say. Well here's the story. I would need to get to know this man a LOT better before "meeting his father" and pursuing a long-term relationship. That's one reason why I wanted him to come visit. The other reason is that I think he would really have fun visiting me here in the USA, because I could take him to various places that I think he would enjoy seeing. Also, I would like to have him get his teeth fixed here, he can hardly eat because his teeth are so bad. Honestly, though, I do not think he would be happy in the USA (because he is not well-educated, doesn't speak English well, and wouldn't have a community of Chuukese (family or friends) to feel close to. He would feel very strange and out-of-place. Perhaps we could live in Hawaii where there is a large Chuukese community and also it is the USA--so the best of both worlds???

    The same thing would be true of me if I went to Chuuk. In fact, my mother is sick, and until she dies I cannot leave her. This could be years! I am responsible for her. She cannot travel. I have a good job. If I went to Chuuk, I wonder if I would be happy, because I am used to working, and he might like to drink alcohol, and that totally is very bad. Also, if it is common for men to abuse women, he would not last a second with me. The first hit, and I'm on a plane back to California--we do not tolerate that.

    I have enough money (while I am workng) to support him, and partially support his family too, so money isn't a problem as long as I can work here. But I would want him to continue to work at something to feel like he is contributing and also to keep him busy!! He supervises a small crew now and is very good at it.

    The worst part is that we cannot communicate to talk this over! He is working on a boat and cannot make telephone calls, and when he calls we cannot understand each other well and we are rushed because of the cost of the call. When we are together, we can communicate better because we can use our hands, draw pictures, see each others' facial expressions, etc.

    He probably does not feel he can come visit because he thinks he would lose his job, but his boss really needs him and I'm sure would give him his job back if he were to take a month off. I think he doesn't realize how valuable he is to his boss.

    The main thing is I don't want to give him unrealistic expectations then possibly disappoint him. I would not want to do that, it would be cruel. He deserves someone to love who has fewer obstacles to overcome. (So do I, for that matter). And he is 46 and would still like to have children, whereas I cannot have children. We talked about this and he said he wanted to adopt children in a case like this.

    The problem is I'm not sure if he loves ME, or sees me as a person who can rescue him financially. I would not mind rescuing him (he needs it!) but that can't be the only thing. I'm so confused I just don't know what to do. I wish I could just be with him for a while and talk this over, but I'd rather spend the $2,000 to bring him here to visit than to go back there again for just a short time. He would have a much better time visiting me.
    Ugh!!! I am going crazy with this.
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